UTMadminIt’s been a while since I’ve posted.
Life has a way of sweeping us off our feet, doesn’t it?
Yet, amidst the chaos and tumult, there’s a flicker of resilience, a glimmer of hope that persists. I started this site with a simple mission: to guide others in reshaping their mindset around manifestation, to help them weave manifestation into the very fabric of their daily lives. Little did I know, life had its own plans for me, plans that would put my beliefs and resilience to the ultimate test.
Here I share my journey of loss, grief, and the unwavering spirit that emerged from the depths of despair.
The year 2023 was the most challenging year I’ve ever faced (and believe me, I’ve had some challenges!)
My cat unexpectedly died. And it was traumatic. Something was wrong in that he wasn’t eating like he should. Took him to the vet, they run tests and find nothing. Then that weekend he goes into a seizure that he doesn’t seem able to get out of. We drive 2 hours to the only emergency vet open at 2AM (and I live so far away from emergency vets, it’s the closest anyway).
A few days later, after numerous tests and absolutely no answers, he is still unable to safely come out without his anti-seizure meds. And the anti-seizure meds keep him mostly comatose. The doctor suspects cancer because of a lump they saw in the scan, but there’s no way to know. We had to make the very tough decision to let him go, and we were able to hold him as he left this world.
My life fell apart. I thought countless times of coming here and writing about the grief. But I just couldn’t.
Even now talking about it, I’m breaking apart.
Two months later, we lost some of our “feral cat community cats” to predators. Back to back. One of them had been with us for 20 years, and had just come around to letting us pet her. We handle a community, a sanctuary, and provide the best care we can to cats who show up, get dumped, but don’t trust humans. Predators have never happened before. It was devastating.
And then…my aunt died. She was only seven year’s older than me, and we were more like sisters. She was the maid of honor at my wedding so long ago. And her mother, my maternal grandmother, had now lost her husband, her sister and her four children. My aunt was the youngest child but lived the longest, past her fifties.
It was a tragic blow in my life. And as I’m recuperating, I lose my job.
The company was struggling to make ends meet. Blah blah blah they hated to let me go. But they did, leaving me with vet bills, no insurance, and other things.
Other things happened, but none of that matters anymore. I just wanted to post this as a short intro to everything that has kept me away.
And the only thing that helped me survive it all was the belief in my own Higher Power. Higher Source. Not giving up on life. My cat still visits me at night. I feel him making biscuits on the covers he used to sleep on. I’ve done all the work, the healing work I’ve learned and that I continue to do on myself.
And now, more than ever, I want to help others as well.
Did I “manifest” this? I don’t believe so (although I probably did manifest the job loss and mounting debt). Because I don’t believe that you manifest everything that’s going on in your life. (If that were true, I would be a millionaire!) But I do believe that manifestation is a powerful tool to help you grow into the best version of yourself.
I could fall down and refuse to live in joy each day. Feel sorry for myself. Pity my life. Focus on all that’s going on, all the lack and what ifs. I could make bad things continue to happen (yes, I do believe in manifestation in that way).
Or I could wake up rejoicing in this day. Making the strong changes I can make in my life, and affirming empowering messages of love, joy, peace, and gratitude.
I have two beautiful and amazing donkeys now that help keep watch over our property. I have a beautiful relationship with my grandmother that I never had before. I have a new nephew that I get to love and celebrate!
It’s the bud of emerging opportunities amidst the pain. I’ve learned to not suppress my emotions. I’ve learned that it’s okay to cry without fear the emotions will overtake me. I also learned to rejoice in every moment I have, every scent of flowers, every breeze through the trees and the dew on the grass. And to take things day by day. To do all the things I can do to keep my mindset strong.
And to trust that it’s all going to work out. To surrender and trust.
I also realized, more than ever, that I want to help others through coaching them and teaching them, inspiring and helping them through whatever they may be going through.
I jotted down a lot of things about grief and manifestation when I was going through it, and maybe one day I’ll write about those. I also discovered many books along the way that helped me.
Sometimes for me, it is “maybe one day I will…”
But if you’re tired of saying “Maybe one day…” please reach out to me to learn about my coaching practices.
(I’m currently working on setting up a schedule for you to easily schedule).
In the wake of grief’s storm, I stand before you today, battered but not broken, scarred but not defeated. Through the darkest nights of loss, I discovered the unyielding strength of the human spirit, the power of resilience, and the unwavering light of hope that guides us through the darkest of times. As I navigate the terrain of my own healing journey, I’m reminded of the words of poet Rumi, ‘The wound is the place where the Light enters you.’ May we all find solace in the knowledge that even in our deepest wounds, there lies the potential for transformation and growth.
So, as I bid you farewell for now, dear reader, know that you are not alone on your journey. Reach out, seek support, and embrace the journey of healing and self-discovery with courage and compassion. And remember, in the tapestry of life, every thread—whether of joy or sorrow—contributes to the richness of our human experience. Thank you for joining me on this journey.
Until we meet again, may you walk in the light of your own resilience and the boundless possibilities of your future.
